I’ve been very guilty of using excess words. It’s mainly in the way I speak (probably influenced by the way my parents speak), then sometimes I write the way I speak. My husband often tells me to stop and think about what I’m saying because he lost track (although sometimes I think he just doesn’t listen hard enough!).
So, I’m working on it – it’d be nice if others did to!

Whenever I see it in a book, I want to throw it out the window! Matthew Reilly’s top of my list with Dan Brown, though it’s not all their fault; once you sell that many books, who needs editors, right? :curious:

I think a good rule is just to write naturally; read it back and if it doesn’t sound like something you could read aloud, then you’ve used too many words. Your first rewrite sounds perfect to me, btw; much easier to understand. :up:

I haven’t gone for tags much lately but I’ll do that one. :P

And, apologies for being off topic, but I’m meant to let you know I tagged you…